Monday, November 16, 2009

Shrunken Heads

You know how sometimes you’re just sitting around thinking. Gosh I wonder what I’d look like if I was captured by Cannibalistic African Head Hunters? Come on now! Admit it! We all do it! Here’s what I would look like. (Not for the faint of heart!) I’ve developed a severe overbite!

I LOVE Expedition Week on The National Geographic Channel! I am such a science geek. Give me documentaries on Head Hunters, The Mayan Calendar, Bog Mummies, The Bermuda Triangle, etc and I’m a happy, happy girl! Until last night. I tuned in to see the Head Hunter thing. It was OK-a lot of hype, but OK. Then the next show was on Celtic Druids. Now I LOVES me the Emerald Isle and all things Celtic so I snuggled down to watch. Started off OK…great imagery; narration was good. Then they trotted out their primary ‘expert’ for the show, Professor Miranda someone-or-other from the UK.

C’mon National Geographic! There has got to be more than one expert on this stuff. Could we not have found someone else? Anyone else?! This woman is a professor and I’m sure she knows here stuff but she has a holier than thou attitude and a major league speech impediment that makes Sylvester-‘Suffering Succotash’ The Cat sound like he’s crooning the gentle murmurings of Mel ‘The Velvet Fog’ Torme!

The FirTHZ fifteen minuteTHZ were BAD… then it got worTHZ when she STHarted getting excSTHZited and talking about how the RomanSTHZ STHZailed up the coaSTHZt to InSTHZinglaSTHZ ISTHZland and STHZarted STHZlaughering and maSTHZacuring the CelsTHZ. She waSTHZ literally froSTHZing at the mouSTHZ by the STHZhirty minute mark and I had to turn it off. It’s too bad because the information was good but she was so distracting that I couldn’t retain any of it. I think the program narrator was the silken voiced Peter Coyote which made her sound even worse. Now don't flame me. I know many people have speech issues. I have friends with lisps or stutters. I’m just saying that if you are dumping beaucoup bucks into filming a documentary and you want people to understand what you’ve discovered...Miranda's not your girl! She has a way too high distraction factor!

Now, I would have hired Colin Firth to be the expert. (Talk about distraction!) He’s in the UK anyway so we wouldn’t have airfare. The expert could have written down the facts on cue cards and Colin could have read them like he knew what he was talking about. He’s got that acting thing down. That way I would be able to ogle Colin and understand the information and learn about Celtic Druids…. and Miranda would get to spend on set time with Colin Firth! It’s a win/win plan as far as I’m concerned!

And that said, the rant it over. Now go shrink your heads!

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