Tuesday, December 29, 2009

You Get What You Pay For: Tale of the Ninja Death Scarf.


So I decided the Tuesday before Christmas, that over the break, I absolutely had to make myself an Irish Hiking scarf to go with my new red jacket. I didn't want wool because it tends to itch me if I wear it close to my face-even Cascade 220-which was my first thought. I didn't want to spend the $$$ for alpaca-especially since I tend to lose things and I wanted a really looooong scarf. I would have had to mortgage the farm for enough alpaca, yak, or camel for that. I didn't have time to go to a big box craft store to get some of the newer soft acrylics. About the only thing I had time and money for was a local store that only sells Red Heart. I know. I was in a hurry. I was that desperate.

So in went I and fondled the yarn and tried to convince myself that it felt better than it had the last time I'd used it-when you could literally file your nails with the stuff. They had three skeins of a red that matched my jacket left for $2.50/skein! It seemed to be kismit, so throwing caution to the wind, I bought them all thinking I would have enough for a hat and mittens to match.
All the way home I repeated the mantra...it's not as bad as it used to be...it's not as bad as it used to be....and by the time I pulled into the garage, I believed it. I put it in my knitting basket and went back out to do my other chores. By the time I cast on a couple of nights later, I had almost completely forgotten my reservation about RH. This would be great; an inexpensive acrylic scarf, hat, and mittens that would be a breeze to wash and dry and would match my jacket. Wouldn't I be stylin'!? Wasn't I a clever, thrifty, little Yankee girl!?
Over the holiday I finished about three and a half feet of scarf. Actually, you can't technically can't call it a scarf because...well...scarves bend. This sucker is so stiff that it will literally stand up on it's own and I'm not a particularly tight knitter. (Well, only when we get into the chocolate wine at Knit Night and that's a whole different kind of 'tight' that actually makes my knitting looser...but I digress) My Saturday Knitting buddies suggested that if I did actually manage to break it in a couple of spots so that it would hang, (and 'hang' is not something this scarf will never do! 'Drape'? Ha! A pipe dream! Become an actual pipe when it growns up? Slightly more plausible.) I could use it as a lethal weapon. A couple of quick swishes and !ZOT! it would immediately render any would-be assailant unconcious, if not decapitate him completely. (Of course, you more faithful readers know that I would almost certainly lop my own head off trying to get it off and swing it 'round. 'Cause that's how I (uh...at least how my head would) roll!) Hence the Ninja Death Scarf was born.

Oh, it's a thing of beauty. The RH positively POPS the cables. Jen says that they are beyond 3-Dimensional...they're FOUR-Dimensional! Elizabeth says that a wash and dry may make it softer but I don't have a lot of hope at this point. I'm think after it's completion, I put it up for bid on construction sites. It would make excellent rebar!

Additionally, I'm thinking that adding a hat and mittens of the stuff would be a huge mistake. While I would be properly armored against any type of surprise enemy or alien attack (and again...knowing how I roll, this is a distinct possibility) which would be an asset; the fact that I couldn't bend my hands, or lift my head or turn my neck could be a liability. Possibly. And then there would be that whole lopping off of one's own head while trying to flee to worry about.
At any rate, I will finish the scarf and wash/dry it to see if Elizabeth's right about it getting softer. If she isn't, I will have once again learned two major lessons that I seem to keep flunking over and over: 'Haste Makes Waste' and 'You Get What You Pay For'!

10 comments:

kmkat said...

Perhaps if you had used US#gazillion needles?...

Cindy G said...

Yeah, but those cables do look great. I mean, really, really great.

Maybe you can just hang it on the wall?

Mum said...

Lots of fabric softner and maybe some vinegar in the wash will do the trick.

Linda L. said...

If it doesn't soften up, you could always keep it in the trunk of your car for when you need extra traction.

Kitty Mommy said...

Love the bundled up Ninja dude picture!

Marilyn said...

RH makes a variety of acrylic yarns, and you have to really check them out before purchase. I've never had any trouble with them--if I get the right one, and I've been using them for more than 50 years. The scarf is beautiful.

Happy New Year.
Marilyn

MadCityMike said...

Perhaps you could continue to knit it until all the yarn is gone and use it next year for a garland on your Christmas tree? Or will it not bend enough for even that? I'll bet the washing and fabric softener will do the trick......at least I hope so.....it IS a beautiful piece of knitting!

Lisa/knitnzu said...

Actually, it USED to be nicer... as in real wool, but think that was before you or I were born. Beat it. With a stick. No, better yet, use it as a target for throwing your ninja stars!

Johanna said...

I just bought the same yarn at World of Variety (or is it House? anyway,) and planned to make a scarf for my son. I am interested in hearing how or if the yarn softened in the wash. Happy new year!

DPUTiger said...

Heh ... looking forward to hearing how this saga ends!