Thursday, December 17, 2009

Vicodin Induced Brilliance

I had oral surgery yesterday to install an implant post for my right bicuspid. Right away I OD'd on the nitrous while I was waiting for the numbing to set in and had to be thinned out with oxygen. Once they turned the gas down a bit I was fine, but I went for a fine fly there for a bit! Wheee! There was much Novocaine, grinding, and other unpleasantries and after all the fuss was over, it looks for all the world that he just hammered a 2 penny nail into my mouth. The flat metal head is very visible flush against the underside of my gum; the ultimate piercing. For $1,800 I at least should have gotten to choose something pretty to hang off it; something shiny or perhaps some wee fuzzy dice.

Doctor Dentist sent me home with copious amounts of antibiotics which are currently ripping up my tummy and Vicodin which makes me not care about it all that much. I have noticed however, that the pain meds have given me the super power of amazing intelligence. Why just this afternoon I solved a Biblical riddle that has puzzled scholars for decades. I was watching NatGeo and they have a special on Jesus: The Missing Years. We all know about Jesus' birth, and the last couple of years of his life until his crucifixion at age 32, but nothing in between. This special looks at the economic and social conditions of the area where Jesus grew up and speculates about what he was up to during the time that's not documented.

Based on the information that they gave me in the first 5 minutes of the documentary, I figured it out. They said that the only story in the Bible about Jesus between birth and age thirty was about the time Mary and Joseph took him to a nearby city for a religious festival when he was twelve. They get ready to go home and no Jesus. They can't find him for THREE DAYS. When they finally do, he's in the church talking with some scholars.

His mother says something to the effect of 'JESUS CHRIST! Where have you been? We've been looking for your for three days!'

The preteen gives her a little flip answer that went something like 'Duh, Ma! Why didn't you, like, look here in the church first?'

Mystery solved as far as I'm concerned. It's obvious to me that Mary drug his butt back to Nazareth by the ear ranting, "I don't care if you are the son of God , Mister Man! You are grounded 'til you're thirty."

NatGeo could have saved a lot of filming dollars if they'd've come to me first.

In other news, Sweet Willie Brown received his snowman hat

Isn't he the cutest Frosty Boy ever!?!?

Have to run. NatGeo has more mysteries for me to solve this afternoon; Amelia Earhart, Big Foot, Alien Abductions. I've got my work cut out for me. Just home the Vicodin doesn't run out!

7 comments:

Michelle said...

Oooh, I LOVE nitrous! It is the only thing that can loosen my grip of the dentist's chair enough that my arms don't cramp up during the visit. But Vicodin? No thanks. When I've taken it, it didn't cut the pain but did make me barf within 45 minutes of taking it. Are you SURE it's the antibiotics that are tearing up your insides?

Lisa/knitnzu said...

He is sweet! Stock up on those probiotics!!

Mel said...

So he pulled the gum completely up over the post? I seem to recall I had the end of mine above the gumline and I had to clean around it with a special brush and rinse with Peridex (foul stuff) and such, but it's been a while. I only had Ativan and local for mine, though. For the bone grafts they had to do before that, I got Demerol and Versed, which helped keep me from freaking out when I had three pairs of hands in my mouth for over two hours. Good times.

kmkat said...

Nitrous is god's gift to nervous dental patients. Like me.

For me, Vicodin takes care of the pain for 4-6 hours but makes me sleepy for 12-18. I'm not worth much when I'm taking it.

dale-harriet said...

Gee, almost makes me wish I'd gone for those "permanent implants" instead of dentures! Wait...no. No, I take it back. I'm the one that had to have an anesthetic to CALL FOR AN APPOINTMENT. Still, I have to admit, dental practices have changed from when I was a child. Say, you ARE going to notify the Vatican, aren't you? They should give you some kind of reward for solving the problem. Free copy of "The DaVinci Code" at least! And maybe the DVD....

YarnThrower said...

You crack me up!

Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

I didn't know putting an implant in was only 1800 dollars. I would have done that instead of the bridges. Damb! Stoopid dentists not to enlighten me.