Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Spring Weather Brings About Its Own Set Of Problems

One of the other blogs I read has a 'Bullet Point Wednesday' feature that I really like. Along about Wednesday, enough of the week has passed to begin to turn my brain to mush and there’s too much week left, leaving me tired and uninspired so bullet points seem the way to go. So, notes to myself in the matter of the recent warm, open-your-car-windows weather...

*Always close your car’s rapture roof when you park outside your building, even if you're just going to be out of the car for a few minutes. If you don’t, you will find the driver’s seat full of walnuts when you return... again.

*Sitting on walnuts isn’t as fun as you’d think it would be. It’s more of a ‘princess and the gigantic pea’ experience.

*When you find your seat full of walnuts, don’t blame ‘ the squirrels’. Blame Sheldon-the-crazy- and-possibly-rabid squirrel. You know he’s the culprit. That squirrel just ain't right in the head.

*Normal squirrels don't charge at people with a distinctive look of malcontent in their eyes.

*They don't do that little bull-pawing-at-the-ground-and-snorting thing either.

*Normal squirrels don't stare psychotically in your sliding glass door for 10 minutes at a time unmoving....especially when there is a dog 150 times it's size barking frantically and frothing at the mouth on the other side.

*A squirrel as God intended is not the size of a small dog.

*Sheldon is a freak of nature and not in a good way; more like in a ‘Stephen King Pet Cemetery ‘kind of way.

*No matter how much you love animals, you must not capture and and attempt to 'help' Sheldon.

*No, even with the best of intentions, you can’t 'cure' him

* Or make him into the 'squirrel he was always meant to be'.

*And you’ll probably get rabies if you try.

*So just take the advice about closing the rapture roof and leave it at that.


Cimorine said...

simple solution: buy a bb gun. :) my mom wants to do the same thing to all the crows around our house. They swoop at her. I think they must respect or like me or something, because they never do that to me.

dale-harriet said...

Sheldon has a cousin - Chipwick. He's a chipmunk; I've SEEN him flip Evangeline the bird while stuffing his face at the bird feeder. He's given ME the "rosebud" while grabbing doubles handsfull of suet. You're straight up about Sheldon. Spooky, ain't it?
(My word is "aessep" - didn't he write about crazy aminals?..."Aessep's Feebles" or wossname?)

Elizabeth said...

Psycho-squirrels! And your car is his storage unit.

Cindy G said...


Sounds like one badass squirrel

Lisa/knitnzu said...

So... I learned in the whole rabies experience that squirrels don't get rabies (or that's what the rabies folks say), and that if you were to be bitten by mad and psychotic sheldon, you would not receive the rabies treatment. Because squirrels don't get rabies.

But they do often become road kill! Do you look at the craftzine blog? Someplace in the most recent 35 posts is one about somebody who makes road kill jewelry, including a necklace made from a squirrel.

Sheldon the choker?

Linda L. said...

Yikes! Sheldon sounds ten times worse than the Gopher Family that lived by my Mom and Dad's. You'd go out to the garage and start up the car, and it made a horrendous rattle like the engine was flying apart! Dunno how, but those Gophers would get in the garage, climb up the undercarriage, on top of the motor, and store hickory nuts on the big round cover of the air filter / carburetor. I always wondered... did they think the engine heat would cook their dinner for them?

Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

Squirrels are assholes.

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