Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Wisdom Wednesdays

Oh the wonderful lessons learned in the last week:

  • If you have a bag of frozen vegetables on your sore hip and an furbeast throws himself down next to you just so, the bag will explode and machine gun tiny bits of frozen carrots, corn, peas and lima beans across the living room. But have no fear, the fur beast will scurry around and eat the frozen carrots, corn and peas. You will have to pick up the lima beans yourself. Lesson: NO ONE likes lima beans.
  • If you take 3 hours of your life to painstakingly knit a teeny, tiny, two-inch high, naked sheep, lots of people will see it, pick it up and want you to 'whip up one' for them. They'll even offer you a dollar. Molly Bee's First Law of Knitted Animal Holdage.
  • When stuck in traffic, if you stop railing at the Universe for the delay and look out your window, you will see the first Belted Kingfisher of the season. Lesson: Submit and pay attention to the miracles all around you.
  • If you are talking on your cell phone, not paying attention and leave your sun roof open while going through the automated car wash, you can create your own personal amusement park attraction akin to Mr. Toad's Wet and Wild Ride. Lesson: Hang up and drive!
  • If you grab the Wisconsin State Journal and try to block the incoming water rather that close the sun roof, you get more amusement park ride for your money. See lesson above.[Note: Though it does sound like something that would happen to me, I am proud to announce that I did not personally learn this lesson. I was behind the man that learned it though and it was highly amusing.]
  • If you have your annual job review and you gift your boss the Bee Barf Honey you got at A-Z last weekend, your review will go swimmingly. Lesson: You catch more bosses with honey?
  • If you speak up and tell your dentist that you are angry with him for hurting you last week and ask for Novocaine (even though he doesn't think you'll need it) this week, he will give it to you . Lesson: Speak up for yourself and ask for what you need. You know what's best for you.
  • If your dentist doesn't think you need Novocaine but you make him give it to you any way, he will give you enough to effectively numb your entire head for the better part of 2010. Lesson: My dentist is a vindictive little bugger.

What did YOU learn this week?


5 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh, trust me, I have learned nothing so entertaining as you! You have some real gems here (as in TRUTH), and others that made me laugh out loud. I would LIKE to learn why Brava had two stillborns, but that may remain a mystery; we'll see.

kmkat said...

Hilarious lessons.

Lisa/knitnzu said...

I like lima beans... I learned just today after yesterday's first Zumba class, that my hips know they've done something they've never done before...

Kitty Mommy said...

I have learned that those darned little sheepies are like potato chips...can't knit just one. I may need an intervention.

DPUTiger said...

I always freak out that I've forgotten to close something when I go into the car wash. I'm the freak that holds up the line while I quintuple-check everything. ::sigh::