Thursday, February 05, 2009

Molly Bee Watches Too Much TLC, Craves Lobster, And Would Like To Know Where You Are Going

An Open Letter To The People With 160# Tumors:
For the love of God, how did it get to be 'The 160# Tumor'? Couldn't it just as easily have been 'The One Pound Tumor'? Or 'The Five Pound Tumor'? Or even 'The Ten Pound Tumor'-if it was in a place where it wasn't easily detected? Look, I'm all for procrastination and all, but when the tumor starts to weight more than you, you may have pushed that envelope a little too far! Just sayin'....
Signed
Molly Bee, Who May Need Therapy After Watching The Documentary On Your Surgery
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An Open Letter to The Sloppy Lobster Seafood Market:
My friends and I went to your deli at noon for lunch yesterday. I had been gearing up for a lobster roll all week. When we arrived, the sign on door claimed that you were open from 10:00 AM to 8:00 PM and yet the door was locked, the lights were off and no one was home. So we went to the restaurant next door where I had a toasted cheese sandwich. Although it was a fine toasted cheese sandwich (made with Gruyere and apple wood bacon on sourdough=YUM), a toasted cheese sandwich does not a lobster roll make. Just sayin'...
Signed,
Molly Bee, Who, Frankly, Is Still A Little Bitter
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An Open Letter To The Guy In The White Ford:
Dude, your truck seems to have inadvertently been released from the plant without it's blinker package. You may have missed the recall notice in your mail. Please return to your dealership and have it installed immediately. Some of us haven't finely honed our telepathic skills and so when you slam on your brakes, then speed left through three lanes of commuters and veer into oncoming traffic like that, we worry that you're going all Kamikaze-Jihad on us and are concerned for your safety and the safety of others. We worry. Some of us even said bad words and almost wet our pants. Just sayin'.
Signed,
Molly Bee, Who Is Sending You The Dry Cleaning Bill Today
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An Open Letter To The Readers Of This Blog:
Molly Bee has insomnia and has been ruminating all night long. Opinions here are strongly fueled by sleep deprivation and do not reflect the thoughts or feelings of other inhabitants of Chez Bee. Just sayin'...
Signed,
Bentley, Who Is A Little Cranky About Being Awoken For Smooches All Night Long

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Ben,
My sympathy for your wakeful night. Please tell your mother there is a little thing called "Tylenol PM" which might solve some of your dilemma. Try to catch up during the day today, OK?
Grammie

Kitty Mommy said...

Oh my Benny pup, even if you aren't included in the late night ramblings, you have a brand of crazy all your own, but we luvs you anyway!!! Go give your mama some big sloppy kisses back. She probably needs 'em!

Elizabeth said...

Mmm. Lobster roll. Now you've done it to me.

Maybe you'll sleep better tonight.

Lisa/knitnzu said...

I think I drive like that. I mean, isn't it OBVIOUS where I'm thinking about going??? OK, so maybe not. Anyhow, sorry you're up late. Just think, how wonderful you are, how we all love ya, and especially that boy of yours, even if he's complaining, you know he loves it.

Lisa/knitnzu said...

Lobster rolls in Wisconsin???!!!??? Isn't that a crime or something?

Lisa/knitnzu said...

Did I tell you about my cousin who at ~40 came home from work one day not feeling well, and had to call the next day for maternity leave? She had no idea she was pregnant... thought she had a tumor and was petrified of the doc. So, her water broke, and her husband says "Laurie, why are you peeing all over the floor?" She says "I don't know but I can't stop". So he dragged her off to the hospital, she had a C section, and a little girl. IMAGINE! Danny leaves the hospital to get the baby supplies, because they have no other kids, and I'm certain that the first thing he got was cigars to celebrate. She's not some poor young thing (though one might clearly question her intelligence). The kid is now 3.5 or 4, and I'm still not sure how much Laurie likes being mom. But Danny? He was made to be a dad, especially to a little girl. I never knew him well, but when I do see him, I tell him how much he glows now that he's a dad.

Kathy Kathy Kathy said...

Gor blimey! No way in heck am I clicking the 160# tumor link. Nosir. Looking at stuff like that robs us of our good sleep. Oh, hey . . . could it be? I'm still admiring of your cabledy sweater neckhole and shoulders. Please put lots of progress photos on the blog. Thanks for your comments on my blog, too.

YarnThrower said...

Even when you are tired and ruminating, you are very funny. Tomorrow will be better, right! I hope so, anyway. The weather at least will be more hopeful than the cold we had last month....and the first full week of this month...(and probably the third week of this month)...