Donut Delivery Day

Every year, our company has a record retention initiative in December and early January. On the first Monday in December, it kicks off with donuts for all of the employees first thing in the morning. It made sense when we first started it years ago. We only had a couple of buildings and a couple hundred employees.  Now we have 11 buildings and a gazillion employees and it's a bit more of a challenge. I've been 'in charge' of ordering and the distribution of the tasty treats for the last three years.

This is my last year on duty as the process is shifting to another department in the company and I was anxious to go out in style.  We ordered 85 dozen donuts and prepared to meet at 7:30 on Monday morning to get boots on the ground and donuts out the door to the almost 1000 employees in the wider campus area.

Oh the best laid plans. I was horribly sick Sunday night and considered calling my partner and telling her that I just couldn't make it, but I've done the deliveries alone before and it's. no. fun. So I thought, I'll just go in, grab my deliveries and get 'em done and then back to bed. Easy peasy.

I showed up at work 15 minutes early and the  the caterer was 10 minutes late of course. I occupied myself running back and forth to the ladies' room during that time. I was never so glad to  see the delivery van in my life. There were so many donuts, that there were two vans. The first van held coffee urns and fruit baskets and the second van had the donuts. The driver of the second van got out, closed the door and we all heard a click. The van had taken 1,020 sugar laden, fat soaked treats (and that's if they were only dozens and not baker's dozens) hostage and wouldn't let the guy back in. Neither driver had a spare key. The store was called and the manager dispatched, but that took another 30 minutes. All the while the driver of the first van was trying to figure out a way to shimmy through a partially opened vent window in the back, the driver of the donut van paced back and forth until he wore a rut in the driveway deep enough to hang up posters, and I made a similar rut back and forth to the ladies room.  On top of it all, we had 60 degree temps, 40 mph winds and rain. Monsoon Monday!

Finally the van was opened, the donuts were liberated and I loaded up my car with my deliveries. Whew! Not long now. I'll be in my jammies with my bucket beside me before you know it. Wrong-oh Keebler!  At my first stop, I realize that my security badge is missing. I look in the car and every other place I could think of. It was on a clip with a yoyo-like string on it which extends so you don't have to unclip the badge from the bottom  of your shirt when you want to badge into a building. Finally some smokers coming back in from their break took pity on me and let me in. I delivered the donuts and went to leave when I realized there was one more box in my car for that building. Carp.

The smokers were gone and it would be another 3.5 minutes or so until they came out for another break (just seems that way doesn't it?). There was a guy I didn't know in a glassed in conference room right by the door watching the entire thing. Finally I crooked my finger and asked him to let me in. He came to the security door and asked me where my badge was. I told him that I had it at the pick up point but I must of lost it there. At this point, I'm sick, exhausted, cold, wet and pretty grumpy,quite frankly.  He may have been joking, maybe not. Either way he was being a real 'male appendage'. He said that he really shouldn't let me in without a badge. Good Dog Man! I'm here holding free donuts...for YOU... let me in!

At that moment, I felt something skitter down my left leg and out my pant leg. My badge. Apparently on one of my thousands of trips to the loo, my badge had gotten tucked on the inside of my waist band and unhooked from the bottom of my shirt. It chose that very second to make a break for it,down the side of my leg, and to freedom.

The jerk stood with his mouth open staring at it. I just said calmly, "I told you I had my badge'. It's clear he was wondering where exactly I kept it if that's where it ended up. In his awed stupor, he opened the door and let me in without a word.

I finally got home and back to bed about 2 hours past when I had hoped but I did get to experience barfing in new and exciting places so that was fun. As usual, instead of going out in style on my last year, I went out in the moronic, why-does-this-stuff-only-happen-to-me way I always do.  Guess that's an OK thing or I wouldn't have anything to write about, eh?

Comments

Michelle said…
85 DOZEN DONUTS?!?!?!?!?
Barb said…
Honestly.....you could have your own show!! Take care of yourself!! BTW...did you save any of those donuts for yourself?????

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