Everything I Need To Know I Learned in Tai Chi Class

I took my first Tai Chi class this morning. I'll give you a minute to stop picturing it and pull yourselves back together. OK now? Good. My company is offering a 6 week introductory class. Even though it starts at 7:30 AM I still loved it and learned some valuable lessons:

• Chai Tea and Tai Chi...two totally different things as it turns out.
• While I do have some beautiful tea cups, I don't have any 'loose and comfortable' gym clothes that I wish to wear around  my coworkers . I agonized over this for days, then when I got to class, I realized that no one else does either. I have come to view my coworkers in a totally different and disturbing light.
• Tai Chi is an actual martial art. The moves are slow and graceful (theoretically graceful in my case) but the premise behind them is that they are strike postures. Today we learned the 'poke someones eye out' move.   So don't tick me off and then stand totally statue-still without blinking for 3-5 minutes because I can now blind you. Or myself, depending on how good my grasp of right and left are on that day.
• You can technically use Tai Chi to kill someone, but chances are they will die of old age while they are waiting.




Crane Pose


• When achieving the 'crane posture' you make your hand into a little bird head that looks like a crane. This is meant to be totally symbolic so don't make it 'talk' to your neighbor. Teacher doesn't like that.
• At one point you create a magical- mystical 'energy ball' between your cupped hands.  Teacher said that we could push the energy back into our bodies or rub it into an achy place on your body or anything you wanted to do with it really.  I hurled it at my neighbor.  Teacher didn't like that either. 
• The lessons are really paying off already for my neighbor who moved with lithe agility to dodge my lobbed energy ball.

And I think my teacher learned that Tai Chi isn't the calming, meditative experience she'd been peddling in the beginning. She looked close to tears when we left. Maybe she'll just miss me over this next week. I'll bet that's it. Can't wait to see what I learn next Wednesday!