Evil Child! No Gifts For You!
Honestly, I don't know why Santa didn't leave a huge chunk of coal in my stocking this year. Sometimes I am the essence of pure evil. Case in point. My Mum LOVES See's. See's is a candy company from California that has a direct contract with G*d to provide the main source of food that is eaten in Heaven; See's covered chocolates. My Mum has remarkable self control over all things, but not See's. They croon to her....call to her...lure her with their siren song of silken chocolaty goodness. Occasionally our mall has a small See's kiosk that is only open for a couple of weeks around the holidays and I hit it just right this year so I got a two pound box and UPSed them to her. They arrived a day or so after I got there. The sparkle in her eye when she saw them, lit up the eastern half of the US. I had to convince her to put them up and allow them to come to room temp since the back of the UPS truck is cold and I feared for her dental work. It wasn't easy for her.
When she did open them, she generously offered to share, and I had a couple , but I left the heavy eating to her. It's fun to watch her attempt to pace herself. She rarely enjoys something so enthusiastically.... What a good daughter....and then it happened...as it inevitable does...
An inkling of an inkling of an idea started to form. I tried to suppress it, but you know how I get, so one morning when she was in the shower, I removed the remaining layer and a half of chocolates in the box, put them in a plastic bag and hid it in the dark corner of a cabinet. Then I put the empty box back, giggling with glee in anticipation of the upcoming discovery.
Evil? Apparently, not enough. Since she was still in the shower and I had all of that time on my hands, I got one chocolate back out of the bag, bit it in half, put the other half back in the previously empty box and then put it back in it's spot of honor on top of the microwave again. (For those of you who aren't evil, this is called 'adding insult to injury'.) Then I sat back and practiced my nonchalant look. Good thing I practiced, since she was in a cycle of restraint that lasted almost 12 hours! It nearly killed me at first but by the time finally she went for it, I had forgotten I even did it. I'm glad I have the Big A while I'm still young enough to enjoy it!
I was as surprised as anyone when I heard her yell, 'You TURKEY You!". I assumed she meant me (it was a 50/50 chance between me and the cat) so I went out to the kitchen. I was right-she meant me. She was gripping the chocolate box looking forlornly at the lonely gnawed-on sweet and saying, "I thought the box felt a little light". I tried to convince her that she has TOLD me that I could share and that I had gone a little overboard, but she wasn't buying it so I dug her treasures out of the cupboard and returned them to her and all was forgiven. But honestly, what ails me? Maybe I need an exorcism of some kind. In the meantime, I'll just keep collecting the coal!
When she did open them, she generously offered to share, and I had a couple , but I left the heavy eating to her. It's fun to watch her attempt to pace herself. She rarely enjoys something so enthusiastically.... What a good daughter....and then it happened...as it inevitable does...
An inkling of an inkling of an idea started to form. I tried to suppress it, but you know how I get, so one morning when she was in the shower, I removed the remaining layer and a half of chocolates in the box, put them in a plastic bag and hid it in the dark corner of a cabinet. Then I put the empty box back, giggling with glee in anticipation of the upcoming discovery.
Evil? Apparently, not enough. Since she was still in the shower and I had all of that time on my hands, I got one chocolate back out of the bag, bit it in half, put the other half back in the previously empty box and then put it back in it's spot of honor on top of the microwave again. (For those of you who aren't evil, this is called 'adding insult to injury'.) Then I sat back and practiced my nonchalant look. Good thing I practiced, since she was in a cycle of restraint that lasted almost 12 hours! It nearly killed me at first but by the time finally she went for it, I had forgotten I even did it. I'm glad I have the Big A while I'm still young enough to enjoy it!
I was as surprised as anyone when I heard her yell, 'You TURKEY You!". I assumed she meant me (it was a 50/50 chance between me and the cat) so I went out to the kitchen. I was right-she meant me. She was gripping the chocolate box looking forlornly at the lonely gnawed-on sweet and saying, "I thought the box felt a little light". I tried to convince her that she has TOLD me that I could share and that I had gone a little overboard, but she wasn't buying it so I dug her treasures out of the cupboard and returned them to her and all was forgiven. But honestly, what ails me? Maybe I need an exorcism of some kind. In the meantime, I'll just keep collecting the coal!
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Confession, a friend from CA sends me a pound of Sees every Christmas. Yes, I share. And, yes, the family knows the sharing has limits....