It's A WHAT Now?

Last week I had a pain in my belly, which developed into a lump, which was assumed to be a hernia. Over the weekend the lump tripled in size and became uber-painful convincing me that it was not a hernia but, in fact, one of those alien babies that bursts forth directly from your torso like in that movie that time. Frankly, I got kind of excited about it. I went to work on Monday morning and made the impending birth announcement via Facebook, 'cause I'm cutting edge that way (and cheap when it comes to postage). Friends rallied 'round with offers to loan me car seats and help me knit nine armed sweaters and craft clever, little tinfoil hats when the time came. I had a shopping cart all picked out over at WalMart to push it around in.

But by 10:00 am, my excitement faded as nothing happened but the advent of more intense pain and the loss of my ability to stand up straight without saying words I wasn't even aware I knew. Stupid Alien Baby. Can't do anything right. So, I called my doc. I explained to him that something had gone wrong in the Alien Baby birthing process and that I may require his assistance. He seemed kind of excited about it too and asked me to come in right away! Alas! A quick exam dashed all of my nine-armed sweaters, tinfoil hats and shopping cart dreams....I was not to be an Alien Baby Mama, but rather the proud owner of a tennis ball sized abdominal abscess. Lemme tell ya after going through what I went through to 'birth' of THAT sucker, I'm opting for the Alien Baby next time for sure.

So I've been changing bandages and working from home for the last two and a half days. I can't say that I've missed being out in the Wind-o-pocalypse that's been howling outside for two days, but I am beginning to miss human companionship, so I think I'll find a stick to bite down on and head on in to the office tomorrow. I hope they've taken down the "It's An Alien!!" balloons and decorations by the time I get there.

In knitting news, friend-Scott bought a bunch of yummy yarn (wool, alpaca) for his aunt to make him a gansey sweater. This is the same sweater he's been hinting at me to do for two years now and I've not so artfully dodged the issue, thinking that it was a bigger deal than I could handle. Turns out his aunt didn't want to knit it with that yarn and he can't return it because it was clearanced. Guess who owns it now? And guess who is getting all hot and bothered about attempting the gansey. That's right. I'm stupid like that.

There is absolutely nothing remotely intelligent about this plan.

• I've never knit a gansey.
• If I fail, he'll be getting a tangled glob of yarn back; over $100 of tangled glob.
• It's just before Christmas when I should be working on gifts.
• It's a hard pattern that you have to sew all the little parts together which I've never done before. The only sweaters I've made are top down cardigans and baby surprise.

Yup, there's nothing positive in there. But I have a tiny little niggling voice in my head all the time saying, "I'll bet you could if you tried." Stupid Alien Baby!