Dog Days of Autumn

Bentley had an appointment for his monthly mani-pedi downtown this morning. Lord, he loves to dish with the girls down there at the 'salon'. It starts out innocently enough with topics like fashion. Collars? Leather or nylon? Colored? Rhinestones or metal spikes? Commando?...(giggle, blush). Then it quickly degrades into bawdy jokes and sideways whispers about who's pups came home from Obedience Class with worms, and who's Mister will be getting snipped for sneaking over the fence and getting the next door neighbor in the family way. That Samoyed was always trouble...shaking out her long blond hair and batting those long eyelashes. Her and that 'husky' voice...always luring him to 'come over and see her sometime'. Bitch.

All too soon it's over. A bowl of complimentary beverage and a cookie or two and he's done. Then it's off to Culver's so Mommy can pick up lunch as a reward for wrangling him down there and back. This works out really well for Mommy who would eat at Culver's every other day if she could. This makes it a once a month 'treat'. But today....today, Ben decided to throw a major league monkey wrench in the works.

We went to the car early so that we had time for Mommy to stop at the library first and pay her fines for keeping their "Sense and Sensibility DVD longer than they'd like. Harriet-the-Automated-Library-Voice emailed threatening to send her boys over to break Mommy's kneecaps. You would think she'd be happy. Mommy owed enough to build that new wing she's had her eye on. Shoulda just bought the darn CD. But...I digress...

I put Ben in the back seat and had him sit while I rigged up his Hannibal Lector harness device that prevents him from getting into the front seat and 'helping' me drive. [It does not prevent him from continually licking the back of my head until my hair has a distinctive troll-doll-left-in-a-monsoon look. I pray for short car trips.] Anyway, I threw my car keys in the driver's seat and hooked him up. Apparently not well enough. I closed the back door and before I could open the front door, he has launched into the driver's seat and stood on the button that locked all the doors. He stood there drooling happily and wagging his tail while I ran around the car (twice) trying to get in. No go. No problem, I have an extra set of keys in my apartment. Problem. The apartment key is on the key ring that is currently under a large, furry butt, still wagging enthusiastically in the driver's seat. Rats.

So I go upstairs and ask my neighbor if I can use his phone to call the apartment folks to open my door. Turns out they don't do that. I would have to call a locksmith. Good policy, yes? Let a stranger come and let me into any apartment I say is mine rather than sending the on-site facilities guy over to check my ID and let me into the apartment he KNOWS I live in. So I called 'Mike's Towing' and told them the situation. After they stopped laughing and could breathe again, they sent the nicest man, Tim, over to liberate my keys and my dog, who by this time is nervous and confused about why we haven't gone for a ride yet. Yup. Two minutes, a modified coat hanger thingie and $54 and the problem was resolved.

Sheesh. Why do I even get out of bed on Saturdays? There's not enough Culver's in the world....