Saturday, February 11, 2017

Cooper-The Hacker Cat

Just look at that face; so beautiful, so seemingly innocent. Why he just looks like a gorgeous Maine Coon cat, not a...... terrorist and master hacker or anything!  I CAN NOT leave my computer unattended or he is on it in a flash. This has been going on as long as I've had the laptop. He has accidentally sent a couple of emails. I routinely come back and find the letters pppppfffffftttttttt and the likes strung across the screen, but it's only been recently that he's become savvy enough to do any real harm.

A couple of Fridays ago, I was working from home and had a teleconference with the office. About 5 minutes before the meeting, I pulled up the files I would need to access in my Microsoft Explorer program, then turned my back for two seconds to get a glass of ice water.  The call came in, connecting me to the meeting and I looked at my files. All gone. Folders and folders of data from the past 10 years... vanished without a trace. No amount of 'undoing' or searching my trash files could retrieve  them. They were on the corporate server so only a call the our IT department, followed by their 20 minute search through the company deletion-swamp could get them back. I don't think my colleagues in the meeting believed me when I told them my cat deleted the files. I have new-found respect for the old 'the dog ate my homework' excuse!

A few days later I was in the powder room off the kitchen when I heard the laptop say "Hello! This is Cortana.  If you speak with me a little more, I will be able to recognize your voice and help you more effectively." To which, His Nibs replied a hearty series of meows. Great, now my computer is programmed only to speak feline!

Later that same day, I was bopping around in  living room, listening to Pandora on the computer. All was fine until I went into the living room and the laptop wasn't in my direct line of site anymore. All of a sudden the volume jacked all the way up on high.  I ran back to the kitchen and there he stands, on just the exact key to turn up the volume. I removed him, turned the music down again and continued my chores. I went back to the living room, volume jacks again. I go back in the kitchen, there he stands...on the volume key. 

Exasperated, I finally closed the lid of the laptop as far as I could to get him to stop walking on the keyboard. I can't close it all the way or it shuts itself off. I tell His Majesty to leave the music alone, at which point he walks directly to the computer, looks me right in the eye, takes one fuzzy paw and firmly shuts the lid, thus ending the music and the argument. I'm doomed. 

So, learning from my mistakes, I devised a clever placement of deterrents around the  keyboard so he couldn't access it and potentially ruin my career, send my meager savings to an off shore account in Virgin Islands, email Jim Brickman ccomplaining that I refuse to play his music at headbanger volumes, or order copious amounts of catnip from PetCo Online. 

This is a picture of how successful that was. 

He LUUUUUVVVVVS him some computer! 

So if anyone has any ideas regarding how I can get this criminal mastermind to cease and desist, it would be in your best interest to pass that along because the way things are going-today my computer, tomorrow the world's!


Michelle said...

I think you're going to have to paw-cuff him!

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