Perspective, perspective, perspective...

I've had a string of bad days lately.  Sometimes I forget to take care of ME and get so worn down that I forget that it's my choice to NOT wallow in self-pity and loathing. I can let go of the angst and anxiety, and walk away from the drama of others in my life...and my OWN self-created drama.  I forget that I can CHOOSE to be happy.

On Friday I suddenly remembered again and pulled my head out of my butt for the first time in quite a while. I decided to get up extra-early and bake some lemon bread since I haven't baked in forever and I love it. I decided to enjoy my work instead of slogging through it, and I set aside an hour to read in the garden in the evening.  I ate healthily and sipped tea all day. It was glorious! It was a conscious effort and there was a lot of redirecting my monkey-mind, but as the day went on, I started to relax.

Saturday, since I was on a roll,  I decided to play hooky all day. I  decided to read,  knit, draw or whatever else brings me happiness for the entire day.  Chores could wait.  EVERYTHING could wait. I spent the entire day just being in the moment and enjoying it tremendously. I opened the house up to like-minded friends and had fun visiting with folks who dropped in.

In the evening, I cuddled with the these two and watched Life of Pi on HBO. I had tried to read the book when it first came out and two different times after that and just couldn't. I couldn't get into it. I can count on one hand the number of books I haven't been able to read over the years; 'Life of Pi', 'The Corrections', 'House of Leaves'...  I can't remember the thousands of books I HAVE read, but the ones I can't read I remember...and hold a grudge. That said 'Life of Pi' the movie' was A-MAZ-ING cinema-graphically. I regret now that I didn't see it in the theater on the biggest screen available. Three hours of wonderful storytelling and eye candy. Sigh. 

There was absolutely nothing different about my life on Friday and Saturday than there had been any day in the past few weeks. I still had the same issue, insecurities and problems. The lone difference on Friday and Saturday was my attitude Sunday was a drama-filled day again, but I was better able to handle it having recharged a bit. How many times do I have to relearn this lesson? I KNOW that I have the choice to be happy, but it seems to slip away from time to time forcing me to go through H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks- for a while until I get straightened back out.  

Dear Universe,
Please help me to remember all of the blessings I have in my life. Please remind me to recognize and show gratitude for the beauty around me. So many people have it so much worse than I do. I am incredibly  blessed and my troubles are small in the great scheme of things. Please help me to remember that my attitude and my reactions to situations is always my choice and ...



Elizabeth said…
I loved both Life of Pi and The Corrections. Hmm. Anyway, glad to hear you got your attitude adjusted and it was a good weekend because of that.
Barb said…
It is terribly hard to take time for oneself, isn't it? I know whenever I do... and it is a rare time, indeed, I feel like I can handle so much more that comes along. I am alone so much of the time now and get into my own schedules, but when my family is here I feel like I need to constantly take care of them and bow to their whims. I decided that I like my ways better and have started to stand up for them! What a release that is! "Bout time since I am fast approaching 60! :O)

I am glad you took a couple of days for YOU! You are important and you deserve some down time. I hope the issues can be resolved and you can feel better about things soon.
It is so easy to get sucked under with life and stuff. So pleased you were able to have a break and recharge. Sipping tea always helps ;)
Karen Foley said…
I understand too well your comment about forgetting books read and resenting the books that don't satisfy! I'm the same way. I love your tangle--it swirls and swoops and leaves me breathless!

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